since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
