just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
