guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
