just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
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