It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
