The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize