i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
