im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
