I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
