at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
