he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
