Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Sext me about skeletons
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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