does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
