Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
