His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
