I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize