is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
