I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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