Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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