I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
