booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
