don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
