On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
