I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
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