Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
