If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
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