There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Just high enough for therapy.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
