you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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