apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
