he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
