conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
