I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
