the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Randomize
