so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
