My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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