I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
