I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Randomize
