you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
