it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
