Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
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