You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
