i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
