last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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