Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
