Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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