that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Randomize
