i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Randomize
