he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
