i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
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