so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
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