no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
