God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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