TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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