these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Randomize
