Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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