Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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