if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
