i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize