i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
