I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
How many fucks given?
0.12846
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
