Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
