I hate all girls vehemently.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
