We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
