Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
