remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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