So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
