Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
