Don't you send me to vm
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
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