I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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