marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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