I must be too annoying 4 u.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
