There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
