I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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