never play flip cup with pint glasses
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
