he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
