so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Randomize
